where i’ve been…

⏲ Read time: 5-7 minutes

So. It has been a minute… Or like, three months to be exact.

I wish I could say that I was doing some soul-searching on an island in The Maldives, that I had a spiritual awakening and I’m now enlightened. I can confirm that did not happen, but it might have taken a ‘solo’ trip to Key Biscayne to discover some hidden truths about myself.

So, where the hell have I been? What have I learned about myself? What’s going on with this blog?

I’ve been doing a lot of growing through what I’ve gone through lately. I’ve been knocked down and each time I try to get back up, it’s like someone’s standing there and holding me back. But that someone is me, just making a lot of excuses for not only myself, but others.

Originally, I had planned on recapping all of the things that happened since my last post, but as I try to digest and process everything, I realize I was just making even more excuses. In a snapshot, I broke up with two people who played major roles in my life within four months and had (once again) lost myself along the way.

You read that right: I broke up with two people. Once I broke up with Ryan, I started dating my former co-worker/best friend. It’s always a dice roll when you take a friendship to the next level: It’s either going to be destiny or crash and burn. A few months went by and we both came to the mutual conclusion that we had more differences than similarities. He’s still someone I care deeply about, but we both agreed we were just better off as friends.

I approached my April Goal Digger with such vigor and excitement, and I really wish it translated into real-life because I probably could have taken over the world. The hole I had dug myself in, not only with my fitness goals, but also general life goals, quickly became paralyzing and I shut down. Shutting down and blatantly ignoring the issue is (unfortunately) how I cope and process a lot of things, and often it gets to the point they become so overwhelming that I’m forced to make a change…

… Which explains why I’m resurfacing after three months or so.

I’m not using that as an excuse, but rather as motivation. Yeah, life’s been tough the last four months, but it’s also been a blessing in disguise: It’s forced me to take a long and hard look at myself and decided what I need to do to be successful and if it’s worth it. It’s made me re-evaluate relationships and who I need to surround myself with to be genuinely happy.

In order to reach full potential, we often have to go through some uncomfortable periods. I’m uncomfortable with how I look, with how I let people treated me for so long and I’m mostly uncomfortable with how I let it all happen while sitting idle. I’ve decided to pick up the one thing that has been a constant for the past two years: this website.

When it comes to the future of this blog, this is where I’m truly stuck. Life With Sarah was rebranded to be a lifestyle blog that highlighted (and even lowlighted) all aspects of my life, but the more I developed this site, the more it became a review blog of beauty subscriptions and books I read. Since cancelling those subscriptions, I didn’t have much content.

For the real OG’s, you might remember Things I’ll Never Say, which was an outlet used to mull through the thoughts jumbled in my head during a difficult time. There’s been thought of bringing that style of writing back, but I’m not the scared, timid girl I was back then. I’ve grown since then, which was the whole point of using that resource.

Admittedly, I used this website as a distraction. While in my long distance relationship, I (obviously) had a lot of free time on my hands and to fill the void, I created content and this online persona. Instead of dealing with the problems in my relationship, I once again shut down and ignored them, creating a farce identity of someone who was ‘happy’ online. I was happy, at one point, but a lot of it became this image and and once that relationship ended, I realized that I could let down that façade.

It’s not to say that I haven’t been absolutely transparent with you, the reader. All thoughts and opinions were and are my own, but I wasn’t completely real or genuine with you. But, I want to make a truce: I want to be real with you on my thoughts and feelings while being able to process it all without ruining an image. I want to do the things that make me the happiest like creating content and sharing my story, but without the commitment and pressure.

Please excuse my appearance as I am rebuilding. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but I can always be found over on my social media profiles. My email is always open and once again, thank you again for your love, support and most importantly, your patience.

xo, sarah.

About sarah

26. writer. obsessed with makeup, traveling, nyr and sparkle.
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